Wednesday, 1 October 2008

my heart can take no more

As I look in the mirror
I see this person staring back at me.
This person is not me, I say,
She looks sad, deflated and worn out.
But as I say these words,
the person staring back says the same about me.



Im sick of being me, If I could be someone else I would...the girl standing next to me in my ballet class, the lady with the perfect family or the child care-free as she plays in the street.

I dont want to be me anymore.
Ive just sat and ate so much, very quickly and i hate myself..The past few days Ive completely slacked and I cant take anymore of it.

I am not eating full stop.

If I do thats it...its another white mark to the flesh. This is not a joke and I take it very seriously. I do not want to be this fat disgusting girl anymore...I want to be the thin, no major issues girl who just laughed about the most stupidist things with her mates and didn't care.
I will pretend im ill, say ive eaten, chew gum...anything it takes not to let another piece of food in my mouth.
I will be thin.
Astrid x x x

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