Pink, Purple, Blue, Green
I wish I could be seen.
Plain, chocolate and stawberry jam,
100lbs too heavy is what I am.

Been doing good for few days, missed breakfast..not that i bother with that excuse of a meal and while I have been working I haven't eaten then and so the only meal I have is my dinner cause my mom makes it and can only say Ive eaten already so many times.

The meals she cooks are sometimes too big a portion for me so Ive been saying I'm too full to finish which is good. But yesterday my boyfriend ( I'm sure he did this on purpose-cause he knows I've 'had' a problem with eating), he came over to mine from work and had a dozen krispy kremes!
Know I do love them, there colours are amazing and cupcakes in general are cute and I love making them to bits but the calories are crap! I make them but chefs should not eat their own food.

I had 2 which was bad enough but he has left them with me now and the 5 that are left here are staring at me with their perfect icing and sprinkles!

I have been taking Alli for the past couple of weeks..eating one with every meal I have I hope it works although your meant to take them with a healthy diet (krispy kremes aint gonna help) but this is going to sound disgusting but it gets the fat of some meals out of your system so the side effect is when you go to the bathroom is slightly oily and the oils like a orange colour so that's not good but that's whats meant to happen so it means it must be working!

Is anyone else taking Alli? What do you feel about it?

love you Astrid xxx

I wonder.... nothing more.

Its been real hard trying to control myself around food, especially since whilst I was trying to get better I told my love about my problem, since thats what you do when your in love you tell each other things so you can help each other but just latley as i've been looking at myself in that disecting way i'd like it to be a sectet again as if I even miss a meal he will tell me i cant not eat and give me that look of dissapointment...what can i do?

Today ive had:
(dont normally have breakfast)
scrambled egg (diary is not good so shouldn't have put milk in!) + toast--374
cottage pie + broccoli---307
tea--25

706

Love Astrid
xxx

^Absolutely love this body!!! thin thighs and intensely flat stomach! must have...

^ picture and how id love clothes to hang off me like this!!

^Amazing figure, love how in proportion she looks....i have small bust which makes my frame look massive... hence i look fat and odd!

^Bones...love

^skinny non fat arms..... beautiful!!!

All this thinspo has made me happy and a little lighter :)

Not ate much this weekend... still ate which is crap but had not much off appetite so whoop stomach shrunk so shouldn't be as hard restricting!

love Astrid

xxx

got the blues

My skin boils, My heart pounds,

My knuckles tighten....I'm fully wound

The only good thing about my life so far this year is my partner, my family (minus my sister) and my friends. The rest of my life isn't going so well to put it lightly.

My work place have pushed me right back to floor with a big hard slam! I have worked so hard in that place and to know that I was actually getting somewhere, not where I see my future career or anything like that but somewhere that would prove to me alone that I could be seen with more respect and was actually good at something. My path in that place has been erased just like that.

DELETED

To make things even worse the person they believe is better than me has been working there for a year and 4 months less than me and has little experience in that area... feel let down completely and now I have to leave.

I am already making prior arrangements, i am doing a course now on what I truly want to do so I suppose in a way I have them to thank for something.

I am so tired and haven't had a period for about 4 months now maybe that is to do with my weight but I doubt it since I have been eating like a pig because I am all alone at home for a few weeks and I eat when I'm bored.

This is why I am on here and a key reason that I started blogging as it's a distraction.

My partner knows about my disorder and he has seen my thinspo book, which he wasn't best pleased about and if he hears me complain about my body or food he will try his best to make me take it back or make a nice compliment... It's sweet, but I don't think I will tell him that I am doing this still and that I have images already on my p.c of thinspo.

Astrid

xxx